Happy 3rd Anniversary to me!

Wow! It sure doesn't seem like three years has already past since we got married. I guess that is a good thing because we still feel just in love today as we did on this very day three years ago. I have to admit some days within those three years i was really starting to wonder what i had gotten myself into. I knew we both loved each other...but for some reason we just could not see eye to eye. But a good friend reminded me yesterday that it takes three people to make a marriage work...the husband...the wife..and God. That is soo true! Also last Sunday in Sunday School we learned what each person's role was in the marriage. Which i think is majorly important! We don't need two "head of the famalies", we don't need two fathers or two mothers. We each have our own role and i am the first to admit that sometimes i have to take a step back and check myself and see if i am overstepping my role.

I am so thankful and feel so blessed to have a husband that not only loves me..but respects me. He is a great father to our little girl which shows because she absolutely adores him. He takes care of our house, our bills, our money. I feel protected and safe. We miss him when he is gone. We have everything i had ever dreamed of as a little girl.

We have had an exciting three years together. Within those three years..we have gotten married, moved into a townhouse, had a baby, bought our first home, and I gotta say doing a pretty dang good job of raising a two year old. She has no complaints! We have had our high times and low times..but never doubted each other's love.

so Gregg,
I am so excited to be able to share these three years of my life with you. I am superexcited to see what is in store for us in the upcoming years of our lives. I know that no matter what happens..with you by my side..I can handle it. I want to thank you for being so responsible, so loving, so understanding, so you. I couldn't ask for anything more. God took my dreams and turned them into reality when i met you..seriously. I love you so much and I look forward to loving you for the rest of my life!

Love,
your wife of three whole exciting long years!

Men!!

Why is it when you have a good day..you know the Lord really has blessed you...you see him working in your life...you feel good...got a nap...wore your new shirt today and loved it!!! Everyone complimented your shoes!  :)

that your husband picks TODAY of all days to be a butthead!!???

why?

Baby Natalie

When I had been dating my high school sweetheart for about five years we made the ultimate teenage mistake and got pregnant. I say "teenage"...i was 18...he was 19..... but we had been together for so long..we had planned on getting married...we lived together....we acted and fought like a married couple..so it wasn't like it was a one night stand....if you can't tell it still kinda irks me that I made the mistake...He was the man i was going to marry...we had it planned...I knew I was spending the rest of my life with him...so I let my guard down...and well...kids...it only takes one time....

but ..anyway....He did what most teenage men do...."It isn't mine!"

We lived together!!! Hello!! We were together 24/7. It wasn't immaculate conception.

 

Then it was , "Well she is just trying to trap me"

 

Ok..if I am trapping you..then I am trapping me too..because I am the one who has grow up and take responsibility for this baby whether you want to or not...not to mention my once beautiful teenage body will never be the same.

 

Now ...being the adult that I am...I understand where he was coming from...it was scary....all of sudden realizing that you are going to be responsible for someone's life...We were in the stage of dreaming about buying land and building our own house with horses and chicken..our own little farm...picket fence and all...at the time...it REALLY sucked for me...I wish he would have been there for me emotionally more...but i understand now...not that it is justifiable...but i get where he was coming from...

 

I didn't have a choice...the baby was inside ME...i couldn't run...or hide....time to tell dad

 

He went with me to tell dad...cause we weren't real sure how dad was going to react...

my dad....being the priceless man that he is...says "Good Job Nik!"

 

ok

thanks dad

 

needless to say my dad was not happy but it was done and he was OK..we started to plan the nursery and had everything on the road to getting ready for the arrival of the little one.

 

We had our kids names already picked out...we picked them out years ago.....Natalie Faye for a girl...and Ethan David for a boy... both the names were family names...Faye is after my middle name...and my grandmother's name on my father's side..... David was his middle name and my dad's name..and his dad's name

 

One night ..I started to cramp. Not bad at first. My dad came home early from work..because he had to go pick up my uncle for some reason...he asked if i would be ok...I said yes...but i wish I said No....

 

I felt so guilty though...already being pregnant and not having a house of our own...not being married yet...i didn't want to cause anymore trouble than i had to

 

By that morning..my cramps were so bad that I had to call my aunt to take me to the hospital to see what was going on....

 

When I got to the hospital...the Dr checked me..and said everything was fine...probably just Braxton Hicks contractions.

 

I went downstairs to leave and my water broke. I was seven months pregnant.

My body would not dialate...I had to have the baby naturally ...I was in labor for what seemed like forever....but however long it was....it was to long..and the baby didn't make it.

I don't remember alot of the details about what happen that day...or a few days after...and some things that happened in my past...i don't remember...

maybe it was all so traumatic to me that my brain just blocked it all out...some one told me that i might have had to much anthestic and it could have messed with my memory...

but one thing that i can still see vividly to this day...seven years later...is her face....her hands....fingers..toes...her hair...her nose and lips...her complexion....she looked like him but had a little bit of me in her.

To this day I don't know why they didn't do an emergency C section ..only God knows...and I am not supposed to question that...I won't lie..because at the time i did...I have always wanted to be a momma...i know i wasn't particularly ready at the moment...but i was getting there...i had grown up and getting ready....I wondered why God would do that me....I had always gone to church...I pray...Why me? Why not some druggy that don't even deserve kids...

But i think that is why i teach preschool now...because i know now how precious children are...how fragile they are...how much God loves them....and what a huge impact adults are to them

For whatever reason...I know that I am in God's hands....and so is Natalie Faye...

I pray for her...and my ex...and all my family that had to go through that with me...and I thank God that somehow all that heartache and pain...led me to Gregg...

and eventhough sometimes we clash....he loves me..and respects that part of my life...and I love him even more for that...

and none the less...meeting Gregg gave me Lyla...and having gone through the pregnancy with Natalie...I wasn't as scared and stressed when i was pregnant with Lyla...and thank God she is happy and healthy and doesn't have one thing wrong with her ..besides her momma's sarcastic attitude

 

So for whatever reason I have one baby in Heaven and one with me here on Earth.....

I think about Natalie everyday...I miss her like crazy...and yes...even seven years later...i still cry..it still hurts..but you learn to control the tears and the pain...and try to find the good ...

I take Lyla with me to visit her and talk to her...I know that Lyla has a special angel in heaven watching her...and that makes me smile..

 

And I thank God that I have a God in heaven that knows all my mistakes, forgives me, lets me start all over again and again........and loves me anyway!

I love you Natalie!

Love, Mom

My plan for Father's day

So as we all know Father's Day is coming up....
And I don't know about you guys...but this holiday for me..is one of the hardest to so something with...

What do you buy for a man who has everything...or needs stuff that only HE can pick out.
Obviously nothing can be a suprise.

So after my Sister in Law's wedding..we are taking Lyla up to my mom's ...and ....Gregg and I are having dinner and maybe a movie...just us!

That doesn't ever happen...he is always working...so we never get the chance for a date night...

I got him a card..from me..and I got him a card from Lyla..hers is recordable..and I recorded her saying "I Love You, Daddy!"...so so so cute!

And ..I am making him a photo book of all pictures of him and Lyla with a poem about What Makes a Daddy...So cute!!

I am guilty of not telling my husband enough that he a GREAT father and I thank him so much for just being here with us...alot of kids don't have dads. Which mean alot of mom's have to do it themselves...and those women...are strong!! Very strong! Because eventhough Gregg works second shift and I do alot by myself...at least I know sometime...someday..he will be home and I can get a break...those single mom's...I tip my hat to you! You deserve something special!

So on Father's Day..I just want to make my husband feel appreciated and loved! He deserves it! and I consider myself Blessed!!

If you have a Father's Day plan..link it up to Amy's blog..New Nostalgia...

I need to encourage my husband.

So I have been reading and studying on what a wife's duties are and what I should be doing.

Gregg and I have been having some communication problems...with added stress...calls for a no good situation and here lately we have not been happy.
And I know that all of this is not all Gregg's fault because I have seen with my own eyes that when I am having a bad day and I take it out of him...it breaks him. It breaks his spirit..his confindence..and he ends up having a bad day ..which again..does not = a good marriage.

So from here on out I am making a conscious decision to encourage my husband...to edify him...to lift him up and thank him and appreciate him for being him!!!
I do love him..with all my heart! He is a great man and a wonderful father. He would do anything he could for his family. He takes care of us and provides for us...and even works over time to so that we can plan big family trips! He is what I have dreamed of...and I need to remember that.
Sometimes when day to day stuff occurs and minor details get in the way ...I forget to step back and realize that I am living my dream...I have a great husband and a great daughter...two dogs...our own house...a fenced yard...what more could I want...(well a new car would be nice) but anyway....I have a LOT to be thankful for and I don't want to take any of this for granted...